Friday, February 27, 2015

Tell a Fairy Tale Day

For my final day at work,1 my coworkers surprised me with a story they collectively wrote in observance of Tell a Fairy Tale Day.

Each section was written by a different person with the intent to liven up the workplace on this day full of bittersweet goodbyes.


Once upon a time, there was a boy named Ace who not only was a pioneer in his field, but also was rumored to have Superman-like powers.

One morning Ace came into work as usual to find an interesting object at his desk. An object so enchanting, so magical, that only Ace could control its power.

As Ace drew nearer the object began to hum and vibrate and shoot out pulses of neon green light.

Fearing it could be kryptonite, he immediately picked it up, ran outside, and hurled it into the sky, where a red-tailed hawk swooped down and grabbed it with his talons.

The hawk, greedy for the mouth-watering catch, looked down and before he knew it, a flock of Canadian geese knocked him from the sky. He tumbled and lost his prized catch.

Needless to say, there on the ground was a big grizzly bear named Ol’ Joe. Now, Ol’ Joe was able to find the neon green light object pulsing rapidly in the dirt. Having also found the red-tailed hawk lying there and not responding to his call, Ol’ Joe snatched up the object and began to run—running like nobody’s business.

Ol’ Joe ran till he came to a raging river. He set down the stone to figure out how to cross. Suddenly the red-tailed hawk, now recovered, swooped down and took the stone and looked for Ace. The hawk knew it was meant for Ace.

The stone was meant to harm him! The hawk had a difficult decision to make. Not wanting to make the decision alone, the hawk flew to the city, seeking guidance from his cousin, the street pigeon.

On his way to the city, the hawk flew over Ace. Ace, having a very high Midi-chlorian count, felt the presence of the stone above him. Ace brought forth his magic wand, pointed it at the hawk and with a swish and a flick movement and speaking the “vera verto” spell, he turned the hawk into an umbrella, the object of mystery balanced in the crook of the handle. Ace was giddy with anticipation as he anxiously awaited.

Alas, a strong wind caught the umbrella and carried it many miles to the west. It finally came to rest in the outskirts of the desolate village of Ville de Russia. There lurked the evil wizard, Mavid Dakey and his simple-minded henchman, Kam Slennert.

Kam, who was known for his braying laughter, rushed over to grab the green stone when he heard over the intercom, “Alright you lazy bastards, time to stop screwing around with this story bullshit and make our glorious president Mark Fernandes ‘with an s’ look like we are selling RIBs!”

Recognizing the voice over the intercom as that of Dutton James Hewetson IV, Ace donned his Judo gi, applied the shine-waza technique to that tyrant, and rescued his coworkers from the clutches of despair.

1 I got a new job in Bloomington. More on this in a future post!